Shakespeare Simplified: All's Well That Ends Well
by Willowsnake
Summary: A young nobleman named Bertram—played by Seto Kaiba—and an orphaned commoner named Helena—played by Joey Wheeler-are faced by problems with their relationship and romance, which are caused by their different backgrounds. REVISED!
1. Introduction

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Summary: **A simplified version of William Shakespeare's _All's Well That Ends Well_ presented as a play performed by the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast.

_All's Well That Ends Well _is a play about a young nobleman named Bertram—played by Seto Kaiba—and an orphaned commoner named Helena—played by Joey Wheeler. They are faced by problems with their relationship and romance, which are caused by their different backgrounds. At first, this is a one-sided affair with Helena falling in love with Bertram. However, being a comedy, Bertram comes around in the end.

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_**All's Well That Ends Well Cast**_

Helena – Joey Wheeler

Bertram, Count of Rousillon – Seto Kaiba

King of France – Yami

Countess of Rousillon – Yugi Mutou

Lafeu, an Old Lord – Marik

Parolles, a Follower of Bertram – Duke Devlin

Lavache – Bakura

Widow – Malik

Duke of Florence – Tristan

Diana – Ryou

Mariana – Tea

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**End**


	2. Act I, Scene I

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act I, Scene I – Rousillon – The Count's Palace._

Bertram/Seto, the Countess/Yugi, Lafeu/Marik—mourning the deceased Count of Rousillon—and Helena/Joey—mourning her deceased father—entered the stage, all dressed in black.

The Countess/Yugi began in a sorrowful voice. "I have just lost my husband. And in my time of mourning, my son must make his prominent departure."

"I must leave for Paris and present myself to the King for service," replied Bertram/Seto, appearing distracted.

Lafeu/Marik approached, looking scarier than usual dressed as an old lord. "Might I remind you of the King's good will toward all of us?"

The Countess/Yugi seemed comforted by those words. "How is the King's ailing health?"

"The King has forsaken all hope of ever getting well again," replied Lafeu/Marik.

"Helena's late father, the well-known Gerard de Narbon, was a significantly skilled and sincere physician. He surely would have been able to cure the King," the Countess/Yugi said with something akin to maternal affection, smiling.

And continued smiling.

And smiled some more.

Then Yugi kicked Marik in the shin.

"Ow! Yes. I agree," growled Lafeu/Marik through clenched teeth.

Bertram/Seto held in a groan before saying, "What is he stricken ill with?"

"A fistula, my lord," said Lafeu/Marik. "What the hell is a fistula, anyway?" he hissed.

"An opening between the organs caused by disease," Yugi whispered back. "Now, be quiet."

"I haven't heard of this before," said Bertram/Seto, glaring at the two of them.

"Well, it is quite notorious. And what of this young woman? The daughter of Gerard de Narbon?" continued Lafeu/Marik.

"Helena was his only child and is now in my care. She is an honest and good young woman, replied the Countess/Yugi in a voice that brought Helena/Joey close to tears.

"Your words have made the young girl cry," said Lafeu/Marik.

"Enough of that, Helena," responded the Countess/Yugi.

In a soft voice, Helena/Joey said, "I'm sorry."

Laughing at Joey's attempt at a feminine voice, Lafeu/Marik said, "Reasonable crying is the right of the dead; excessive grief is the enemy of the living." And he continued laughing.

Yugi elbowed Marik in the stomach to stop him from from continuing to do so. "If the living are the enemy to grief, the excess makes it mortal," he said, glaring at Marik.

_I wish these idiots would cut it out_, thought Seto. "Mother, I would like your permission to leave for France."

"What?" groaned Lafeu/Marik, clutching his stomach.

"I shall let you go, Bertram. I only hope that you will someday be as great a man as your father. Love all, trust only a few and do not wrong anyone," said the Countess/Yugi. "Lafeu, go with him and watch over my son. Bertram is young and inexperienced."

"I will," conceded Lafeu/Marik.

"Farewell, Bertram," finished the Countess/Yugi, exiting the stage.

Bertram/Seto turned to Helena/Joey, who looked at him with a matching glare. "Be nice to my mother, who is your mistress," said Bertram/Seto.

"Farewell, pretty lady," added Lafeu/Marik, laughing again because he just called Joey a pretty lady, making the blond blush.

Bertram/Seto and Lafeu/Marik left the stage. A little _too _quickly in Joey's eyes. And he was now alone. _Just great_, he thought.

"I no longer think about my father. I admit, I have forgotten him. My mind is now plagued by thought of Bertram. And my tears were due to his eminent departure, not my father's death or the Countess' kind words. I cannot imagine my life without Bertram anymore. I'm in love with him. Deeply in love with him. But he believes that we are too far apart in social status for my love to ever be acknowledged by him," Helena/Joey sighed. "Who's there?"

Helena/Joey notice Parolles/Duke, Bertram's/Seto's friend, approaching. Though Helena/Joey felt a fondness toward him because Bertram/Seto had chosen him as a friend, Parolles/Duke was still a force to be reckoned with.

As Parolles/Duke entered the stage, Helena/Joey said on the side, "He is a notorious liar, a fool, and a coward. Evil is a natural part of his character."

"Hello," greeted Parolles/Duke.

"And you."

"Are you thinking about virginity?" prompted Parolles/Duke, hoping to shock Helena/Joey.

"A woman does not always have to protect her virginity," Helena/Joey replied, not shrinking from the conversation. "I might lose it to my own liking."

Suddenly, a person dressed as a page came onstage, saying, "Monsieur Parolles, my lord calls for you." He then left.

"Helena, farewell. If I can remember you, I will think of you at court," said Parolles/Duke.

"Monsieur Parolles, you were born under a charitable star," replied Helena/Joey.

"Under Mars, I think," said Parolles/Duke.

"I think under Mars, especially."

"Why under Mars?"

"The wars have so kept you under that you must have been born under Mars."

"When he was predominant."

"When he was conservative, I think."

"Why do you think so?" asked Parolles/Duke.

"You always move backward when you fight."

"That's for advantage."

"So is running away when fear offers you safety," Helena/Joey said, smirking.

Parolles/Duke narrowed his eyes. "You know, I have so much to attend to. I swear I would have outdone your clever wit had I had more time, but, alas, I must go," responded Duke/Parolles as he turned to leave the stage.

Helena/Joey stepped toward the middle of the stage and looked out at the audience. "My current situation is still desolate; however, solutions lie within human beings themselves and _not _under the star under which they were born. I am the creator of my own fate. I _will _win Bertram by my own efforts."

Looking quite determined and sincere, Helena/Joey turned and left the stage.

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**End Scene**


	3. Act I, Scene II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act I, Scene II – Paris – The King's Palace_

Trumpets sounded from the orchestra pit as Yami/King came onstage, clutching letters in his hands with lords and other nobles on his heels.

"The Florentines and Senoys have fought uniformly well. It's a brave battle they are fighting," began the King/Yami in a strong voice.

"So it is reported, my King," replied the First Lord.

"Yes. This war is a simple training exercise for the numerous young soldiers who are anxious to obtain experience and heroism in battle," continued the King/Yami.

"So it would seem," agreed the First Lord.

"My King, we have guests," stated the Second Lord.

"Who is it?" asked the King/Yami.

Bertram/Seto, Lafeu/Marik, and Parolles/Duke entered the stage.

"It is Count Rousillon, my King. The young Bertram," started the First Lord.

"Welcome, young Bertram. You have a striking physical resemblance to your father. I hope you have inherited your father's integrity as well," the King/Yami greeted.

"Thank you, my King," replied Bertram/Seto.

The King/Yami approached Bertram/Seto slowly. "I wish I were as physically fit as I was—along with your father—back when I was a soldier. I miss those days. Well, your father was famous for his courage and valor. Very much so."

"You have quite the good memory, my King," Bertram/Set said.

"Speaking of your father calms my declining morale. Such a man as your father would serve as an excellent role model for the younger generations of soldiers in my command," the King/Yami continued.

"You are well loved, my King," interceded the Second Lord.

"Hm. How long has it been since your father died?" inquired the King/Yami.

"About six months, my King," replied Bertram/Seto.

The King/Yami looked contemplative. "If he were alive, I would have let him try to heal me. But, come. Lend me an arm. I have grown weary already. Again, welcome, young Bertram."

"Thank you, my King," Bertram/Seto said.

Everyone left the stage as the trumpets from the orchestra pit sounded again.

* * *

**End Scene**


	4. Act I, Scene III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act I, Scene III – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

The Countess/Yugi, the Steward, and Lavache/Bakura—the Clown—came onto the stage.

"I will now hear what you have to say," said the Countess/Yugi.

"It is he who wishes to speak with you, my lady," replied the Steward.

"And what does this knave want of me?" countered the Countess/Yugi.

Lavache/Bakura approached the Countess/Yugi; however, he looked quite angry because of the role he was to play. "I am a poor fellow, my lady."

"I can see that."

"I would like to request your permission," Lavache/Bakura continued.

"Permission for what?"

"I wish to marry a woman named Isbel," he answered, crossing his arms.

"Why is that?" the Countess/Yugi inquired.

"Because I am driven to do so by the desires of the flesh," Lavache/Bakura deadpanned. When all the Countess/Yugi did was give him a blank look, he elaborated. "I'm horny."

"Oh. Oh! You are a knave!" exclaimed the Countess/Yugi, but he gulped silently. He didn't really want to call Bakura a knave again, but did he really have a choice?

Bakura growled menacingly and took a threatening step toward Yugi. "Bakura, behave! Or no sex for a month," hissed Ryou from behind the curtain.

After this, the Countess/Yugi and Lavache/Bakura began arguing back and forth before Lavache/Bakura started singing a song with the words 'your marriage comes by destiny.'

"Get lost!" the Countess/Yugi demanded. "Just…leave already!"

Lavache/Bakura left the stage, leaving the Countess/Yugi and the Steward alone.

"My lady," began the Steward, "I have overheard Helena talking to herself. She says that she loves Bertram."

"Keep the matter to yourself," stated the Countess/Yugi, dismissing him.

The Steward left the stage while Helena/Joey came on.

"Yes. Helena does appear to be sick with love," commented the Countess/Yugi.

"What was that, my lady?" asked Helena/Joey politely.

"I feel like a mother to you, Helena."

"Oh, no, my lady!" protested Helena/Joey.

"Why do you not want to be thought of as a daughter by me?"

"If I were to be your daughter, my lady, it would make me Bertram's sister. And I feel much more than that of a sibling toward him."

"I now realize the enigma behind your loneliness and the regularity of your tears. You love my son," insisted the Countess/Yugi.

"Please, forgive me, my lady. I have dared to love Bertram with my pitiable, but truthful, love."

"You need not beg for my forgiveness. I do not disapprove."

"What?" gasped Helena/Joey.

"Do you intend to go to Paris, Helena?" inquired the Countess/Yugi.

Helena/Joey nodded. "I wish to help the King."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. My father left me with some rare prescriptions. Among them is a remedy that will surely cure the King of the disease plaguing his body."

"Is treating the King your _only _reason for going to Paris?"

"Bertram's departure for Paris has also been an influence," Helena/Joey answered truthfully.

"Then I give you my full permission and support on your venture."

With that, both Helena/Joey and theCountess/Yugi left the stage with loud applause sounding in the theatre.

* * *

**End Scene**


	5. Act II, Scene I

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act II, Scene I – Paris – The King's Palace_

The King/Yami, Bertram/Seto, Parolles/Duke, and various other lords appeared onstage, their characters preparing to leave for the Florentine Wars.

"I wish you all a safe journey, young lords. I do hope you will advise each other wisely and that all of you benefit greatly from it," said the King/Yami wearily. He wore majestic purple robes that favored his favorite card, the Dark Magician. His matching pants and top hugged his body snuggly. Yami looked every bit a real king.

"We certainly hope so. And when we return, we also hope to see you in good health, my King," replied the First Lord.

"I do not think so. I welcome my death. I grow weary from this endless pain," he replied, seating himself in a large throne near the back center of the stage. "But, farewell, young lords. Whether I live or die, I wish you well. I hope that you will fight valiantly for France. Let all see that you do not go there to seek honor, but to claim it. May you be granted much fame. Farewell," stated the King/Yami.

"We will serve you well, my King," announced the Second Lord.

"Oh! And beware of those Florentine girls. Those women can be quite…well, you understand, I'm sure," said the King/Yami meekly.

"We understand," the lords laughed in unison.

"Well, goodbye, good lords," said the King/Yami, rising from his seat. He exited the stage, a few other lords at his heels.

The First Lord twirled around Bertram/Seto, saying, "Oh, my sweet lord, you will join us, won't you?"

"It's not our sweet lord's fault he doesn't go," announced Parolles/Duke, wearing very tight-fitting emerald green pants and a matching tunic. A bright red scarf, symbolic of Parolles' character, hung from his neck.

"But these wars are most honorable," urged the Second Lord.

"They are, indeed," agreed Parolles/Duke. The three of them fawned over Bertram/Seto erotically.

"I have been ordered to stay here," Bertram/Seto snapped. He also wore tight fitting pants, but they were white. His tunic, which was also white, was low cut and revealed a portion of his well-toned chest. There were blue dragons embroidered along his outfit, accentuating his azure eyes. "They say I'm too young and that I should go to war next year, that it's too early for me to go," he continued in a rage.

Parolles/Duke walked up to Bertram/Seto seductively and trailed a hand up his exposed chest. "I think you should come with me. Run away with me to war."

Bertram/Seto smacked his hand away. Parolles/Duke appeared hurt. "No," Bertram/Seto growled. "I will stay here until I have my sword. Then, and only then, will I run away to war."

Parolles/Duke smiled at him warmly.

"There is honor in stealing it instead," said the First Lord.

"I agree with him, dear Bertram," replied Parolles/Duke.

"I will be at your command, if you wish it as well. Goodbye, sweet lord," said the Second Lord, making ready to leave.

Bertram/Seto nodded at them.

"Farwell, sweet lord," the First Lord replied.

"You, too, sweet Parolles," responded the Second Lord.

"Before you go," Parolles/Duke began, "I would like to let you know that I will always be on your side. If you go to the regiment of the Spinii, you will meet Captain Spurio. Meet him, greet him, and say to him, 'I live.' Observe his reports for me, will you?"

"As you wish, sweet Parolles," answered the First Lord. The two lords then exited the stage, leaving Parolles/Duke and Bertam/Seto all alone.

Bertram/Seto moved to the center of the stage as he watched Parolles/Duke dance around him slowly and seductively. Parolles/Duke placed his feet about ten inches apart, pointing his toes straight forward, his knees relaxed. He placed a hand on Bertram's/Seto's shoulder and made one good pelvic thrust forward as far as possible toward Bertram/Seto. Parolles/Duke relaxed slightly and stepped away from him, smiling sweetly.

He continued thrusting, appearing much like a belly dancer, until he suddenly stopped behind Bertram/Seto. Placing his arms around Bertram/Seto and holding him in a loving embrace, Parolles/Duke looked on him adoringly. Bertram/Seto rolled his eyes and tried to shrug him off.

Succeeding, Bertram/Seto found Parolles/Duke on his knees before him, clutching his legs desperately.

"The God Mars adores you. What will you do, my dear, sweet lord?" asked Parolles/Duke.

"Get up!" Bertram/Seto barked. "The King is returning."

Parolles/Duke bolted to his feet and stood awfully close to Bertram/Seto. Uncomfortably so.

As the King/Yami entered the stage, Parolles/Duke turned to Bertram/Seto. Clutching him tightly, he said, "Come with me. Let us depart and go after those two lords. It may be a good idea for us to…get _in_ with the other soldiers." He winked suggestively at him as he rubbed himself against Bertram/Seto.

Pushing him away, Bertram/Seto replied nonchalantly, "I will go, but not to _ingratiate_ myself with the likes of you or _any_ of those lowly soldiers."

Parolles/Duke smirked as he watched Bertram/Seto leave the stage. "Worthy fellows," he whispered. "They definitely prove to be the strongest swordsmen." He followed Bertram/Seto off the stage.

Next, Lafeu/Marik entered the stage and knelt before the King/Yami. He was not too pleased with his outfit. Of all the colors in the world, why the hell did his outfit have to be pink? He looked like a fucking piece of chewing gum with hair. Well, at least he got to carry a cane. He _was_ playing an old lord after all.

"Excuse me, my King, but I have some information that may be of interest to you," Lafeu/Marik snarled. He didn't like kneeling before his self-proclaimed enemy.

"Just…get up," the King/Yami groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt an oncoming headache. A _real_ one. This was going to be a long scene.

Lafeu/Marik got up from his kneeling position and glared at the King/Yami. "Are you still ill, my King?" he asked maliciously.

"Yes," the King/Yami started. He really didn't like the crazed look the demented man had in his eyes.

Lafeu/Marik clicked his tongue in mocking disapproval. "Oh! You poor King. Have you not taken anything for your poor illness?" he asked scornfully. "Well, then. Perhaps you'll take a cure from me. You can trust me. There is someone who can cure you of your malady and she will willingly do so."

The King/Yami looked confused. "She?"

"Yes! _She_, you imbecile," Lafeu/Marik exclaimed, smacking the King/Yami in the back of the head with his cane.

"Ow! That's not in the script!" hissed Yami.

"It is now!" laughed Marik. But before Yami could make a clever response, Marik jumped back into his lines. "My King, she is the daughter of a well known physician and she has come here to help you." _The gods only know why_, he thought. "She amazes me, though. I did not know that one so young, let alone a woman, could be as skilled as she is. She demands that you see her immediately. Will you let her come?"

"Fine. Bring her to me," the King/Yami said reluctantly.

"Great! I shall fetch her then," Lafeu/Marik replied giddily, leaving to fetch Helena/Joey.

Lafeu/Marik re-entered the stage with Helena/Joey in tow. The audience gasped at Joey's appearance. He wore a long black wig that went past his shoulders. The snug dress he had on hugged the slight curves in his figure; it was a tad low cut in the front, showing just a bit of his chest. The dress barely reached his knees and the three inch heels he walked in showed his delightfully toned legs. But his dress was what astounded people most. It was the darkest black anyone could imagine, with red dragon imprints on it that seemed to glisten in the stage lights.

"Here she is," announced Lafeu/Marik.

"So I see," the King/Yami replied skeptically.

Lafeu/Marik rolled his eyes. "This is the King. Speak your mind to him and be blunt about it, for he cannot comprehend anything beyond that," he said, grinning maliciously. "Although, you do look like a traitor, but don't worry. The King doesn't fear traitors. I'll leave you two together then. See ya!" Lafeu/Marik said before skipping off the stage, twirling his cane.

The King/Yami looked Helena/Joey up and down suspiciously. "So, my beautiful one, are you truly as gifted as Lafeu says?"

"Yes, my lord. Gerard de Narbon, the famous physician, was my father. I know his practice well," Helena/Joey replied seriously.

"I knew him," said the King/Yami, sitting in his throne.

"Then it looks like I do not have to brag about his reputation. Since you knew him well enough, you knew of his capabilities. On his deathbed, he left me many of his cures for serious ailments. One in particular he made me store for an instance such as this. After I heard of your illness, and that nothing you had taken would cure it, I sought you out so that I could give you his cure."

"I thank you, dear maiden, for coming all this way. But I highly doubt that you can succeed in curing me, especially when my own doctors, who are far more experienced than you, weren't able to do so."

"Please let me try," Helena/Joey begged.

The King/Yami sighed. "I thank you with all my heart for wanting to help me, but I must say no."

"Why do you insist on rebelling against the cure for your illness? All I can do is try. There is no harm in that," argued Helena/Joey.

He sighed again. "Farewell, kind maiden," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Wait! My cure for you _will_ work! You are not past being treated for your illness, my King!" Helena/Joey pleaded.

"Are you really that confident in your abilities?"

"Yes. I am," Helena/Joey replied solemnly.

"You appear quite confident and sure of your skills, so how far will you go?" the King/Yami questioned seriously.

"I will go as far as to have you end my life, right here and now, if my cure does not work."

The King/Yami looked contemplative. "Fine. I accept your offer. If your cure does not work, you will be put to death."

Helena/Joey nodded in agreement. "And if it does work, what will you give me in return?"

"Make your demand."

"But will you make it an equal wager?"

"On my honor, yes," he replied honestly.

"If I succeed within twenty-four hours, I must be allowed to choose a husband from among the noble bachelors of the court as payment for my services," Helena/Joey declared.

"So it is agreed. If your cure fails, you will be put to death. If your cure succeeds, you may choose any of the noble bachelors of the court as a husband. You have my solemn word."

Helena/Joey made a slight curtsy before leaving the stage; the King/Yami rose from his throne and followed suit.

* * *

**End Scene**


	6. Act II, Scene II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act II, Scene II – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

The Countess/Yugi made his entrance with Lavache/Bakura—the Clown—at his heels. Lavache/Bakura, dressed very much like a Kuriboh, followed the Countess/Yugi to the center of the stage. Yugi had a long, light blue dress on with pink trimming and a short blonde wig. It made him look a lot like the Dark Magician Girl. He actually looked rather cute dressed that way.

"Come on, dear sir. I am going to put you at the height of your breeding," said the Countess/Yugi.

"Well, my _lady_, I will show that I am fed in the upper class, but have the knowledge of a lowly one. My only business is in the court," Lavache/Bakura replied confusedly.

"To the court!" the Countess/Yugi replied haughtily. "Why? Why does that place make you so special when you put it off with such disapproval?"

"Well, my lady. If God had lent a man any real manners, he could easily put it off at court. A man cannot make a leg, take off its cap, kiss his hand and say nothing, having neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap. Such an individual is not for the court, but for me. I have an answer that will serve all men," Lavache/Bakura replied wittily.

"Okay…that's a…plentiful answer that fits all questions," the Countess/Yugi responded, a bit puzzled.

"Look at it this way," Lavache/Bakura began. "It's like a barber's chair that fits all asses; the pin-asses, the square-asses, the brawn-asses, or any asses."

_What is he talking about? Is that even in the script?_ thought Yugi. "Um…will your answer be able to fit all questions?

"As the nail to its hole; as the cuckold to its horn; as a scolding queen to a bickering knave; as a nun's lip to a friar's mouth-no! As the pudding to its skin; as-"

"Okay! Okay! I get the idea!" the Countess/Yugi interrupted, waving his arms frantically. "Do you have an answer that fits all questions?"

Lavache/Bakura smirked. "From below your duke to beneath your constable, my lady. My answer will fit any question."

The Countess/Yugi sighed in anguish. "Then it must be a rather _long_ answer in order for it to fit any question."

"Not really," he replied matter-of-factly. "If the educated should speak the truth of it, that is, and all that belongs to it. Oh! Ask me if I am a noble! Ask me if I am a noble! It will do you no harm to learn!"

_Why is Bakura so hyper? _"If only I were young again. But I will be a fool and ask you this question. Perhaps it will make me wiser. Are you a noble?" asked the baffled Countess/Yugi.

"Oh, Lord, sir! There is a simple putting off. More! More! A hundred of them!" he mocked in his upper class tone.

The Countess/Yugi forced a laugh. "Sir, I do think I am a poor friend who loves you."

"Oh, Lord, sir! Thick! Thick! Spare not me!" he mocked again.

The Countess/Yugi decided to…play along. "Good noble, I don't think you can eat this plain meat."

"Oh, Lord, sir! No! You can put me to it! I demand you!" Now Lavache/Bakura was getting out of hand.

"You were whipped recently, weren't you?" the Countess/Yugi deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, Lord, sir! Spare not me!" Lavache/Bakura cried.

"Did you cry 'Oh, Lord sir!' when you were whipped? And 'Spare not me!'? I think your 'Oh, Lord, sir!' is very…sequent to your whipping. I do believe you'd answer very well to a whipping…if you were bound to it, that is," the Countess/Yugi mumbled. Lavache/Bakura was actually starting to creep him out a bit. He was getting a little too into the role, in his opinion.

"I never had worse luck in my life in my 'Oh, Lord, sir!' I happen to see things that will serve me for a long time!" Lavache/Bakura continued.

"Great. I play the noble housewife with the time to entertain myself so happily with a fool," the Countess/Yugi grumbled.

"Oh, Lord, sir! Why? There! It serves well again!"

"Stop it!" the Countess/Yugi screamed, panting heavily. There was only so much he could take and he was ending it now. Screw the damn play. He quickly handed a letter to Lavache/Bakura. "Give this to Helena and urge her to reply back immediately. Commend me to my kinsmen and my son, Bertram. That isn't much!" he screeched hurriedly.

"Not much commendation to them," Lavache/Bakura smirked.

"Not much employment for you! Do you understand me?"

"Yes! I am there before my legs!" he replied comically.

"Hurry up and go!" the Countess/Yugi screamed, chasing him off the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	7. Act II, Scene III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act II, Scene III – Paris – The King's Palace_

Bertram/Seto, Lafeu/Marik, and Parolles/Duke entered the stage in amazement, stunned that Helena/Joey had cured the King/Yami.

"They say that miracles are in the past and that rational people try to make things that are supernatural more modern and familiar. Perhaps we should present ourselves to the unknown with fear," said Lafeu/Marik, thinking of the cure Helena/Joey had provided the King/Yami.

"Why? It's the rarest argument of _wonder_ that has disappeared in our times," responded Parolles/Duke.

"So it is," replied Bertram/Seto seriously.

Lafeu/Marik continued speaking his thoughts aloud. "To be relinquished of the artists-"

"I said that," interrupted Parolles/Duke.

Lafeu/Marik glared at him. "Both of Galen and Paracesus."

"I said that, too."

"Of all the educated and valid fellows-"

"And yes! I said that as well!" continued Parolles/Duke irritatingly.

Lafeu/Marik shot him another glare. "That gave our good King incurable and-"

"Oh, look. I think I said that, too."

"Not to be helped-"

"Wait! Let me guess! You're going to say 'As it were, a man assured of an-'"

"-an uncertain life and positive death," finished Lafeu/Marik hastily.

Parolles/Duke smirked at him. "I have said all of that before."

"Now, I can honestly say that it is newness to the world," said Lafeu/Marik.

"Indeed, it is. Besides, if you'll have it in showing, you'll read it in…what do you call it?" continued Parolles/Duke.

"A showing of blissful effect in an everyday actor?" Lafeu/Marik offered.

"That's it. I do believe I would have said the same."

Lafeu/Marik rolled his eyes as if praying to something that he would just shut up. "Of course, you would," he replied sarcastically. "Before me, I speak in respect-"

"No. It's strange. It's very strange that Helena would be assisted by-"

"-the very hand of heaven?" Lafeu/Marik offered again.

Parolles/Duke nodded. "So I say."

"In a most weak-" Lafeu/Marik cut himself off because he just _knew_ that he was going to be interrupted again. When Parolles/Duke said nothing, he continued. "-and feeble minister, great power, great transcendence which should, in fact, give us a further use to be made than alone in the recovery of our good King, as to be-" he paused again, waiting for Parolles/Duke to cut in. Again he said nothing. Maybe he wasn't going to say he'd say the same thing again. "-generally thankful."

"My thoughts exactly. Although, I would have said it better myself," Parolles/Duke smirked. Before Lafeu/Marik could pounce on him in frustration, Parolles/Duke announced, "Look! The King is here!"

The three of them turned to see the King/Yami enter with Helena/Joey and some attendants.

"I'd like a maid like that," Lafeu/Marik commented, eyeing Helena/Joey up and down appreciatively.

"Isn't that Helena?" exclaimed Parolles/Duke.

"Oh, my God! I think it is!" Lafeu/Marik replied, trying to wash his mind from the vulgar thoughts he'd just had.

The King/Yami looked to one of his attendants and ordered, "Go and fetch all the lords of the court. Helena, my dear preserver, will stay by my side. Since she has cured me, this dear maid will now claim her prize." The attendant scrambled away and brought forth a few more lords from the court.

"Dear Helena, look around you. These are all the noble bachelors of the court. Choose who you want to be your husband and it will be so. I have the power to give you what you wish. None will dare defy me," continued the King/Yami.

"They all seem so fair and virtuous, my King. But I may only pick one," said Helena/Joey.

"If only I were younger," mumbled Lafeu/Marik regrettably.

"Scrutinize them well. All of them have had a noble father," stated the King/Yami.

Helena/Joey looked them all over approvingly. "Gentlemen, heaven worked through me in order to restore our good King to health."

"We understand, my lady. And we thank heaven for you," all the lords replied.

"I am but a _simple_ maid," Helena/Joey began hesitantly. "My King, I fear that my love will be refused. I don't know if I can do this."

"Make your choice," the King/Yami said encouragingly. "For whoever shuns your love, shuns all his love in me," he warned the noble bachelors.

Helena/Joey approached the First Lord. "Will you take me as your bride?"

"No, my good lady."

"Fine," Helena/Joey replied disappointedly.

"I wish I were one of her choices," grumbled Lafeu/Marik.

Helena/Joey moved onto the Second Lord. "Will you take me as your bride? I'll give you all the love I have to offer."

"I am sorry. No."

"As you wish."

Lafeu/Marik stood there in shock. "Why are they all refusing her?" he exclaimed. "If they were my sons, I'd beat the shit out of them…or send them to the Turk to make eunuchs of them!"

Helena/Joey approached the Third Lord. "Will you take me as your bride? I will always be faithful to you."

"I cannot."

"I see."

Lafeu/Marik started to get pissed by this point. "These damn young men have hearts of ice!" he growled. "None of them want her. Bastards! All of them!"

Helena/Joey moved onto the Fourth Lord. "Will you take me as your bride? Although, I do not think I wish to have you. You are too young, too happy, and too good to have a child by me."

"I don't think so," the Fourth Lord replied drunkenly.

"These young men are all fucking assholes," Lafeu/Marik muttered, covering his face in his hand in embarrassment for them.

Helena/Joey finally approached Bertram/Seto and looked on him adoringly. "I dare not say I take you. But I do offer you myself and my service, while I live, into your guiding power. This is the man I choose. Bertram."

"Why, then, young Bertram, take her. Helena is now your wife," declared the King/Yami.

Bertram/Seto looked at him in utter shock. "My wife?" he screeched. "I beg you to reconsider!"

"Bertram. Don't you know what she has done for me?" inquired the King/Yami authoritatively.

"Yes, my King. But why do I have to marry this…lowly mutt?" he spat.

"You _do_ know that she is the one who raised me from my sickly bed, correct?"

"I am aware of that, my King, but I should be allowed to choose my own wife! She is nothing but a poor physician's daughter! She cannot be my wife! Marrying that mongrel will degrade my noble birth!" Bertram/Seto roared angrily.

The King/Yami glared forebodingly at Bertram/Seto. "You dare defy me with this arrogance?" he reprimanded. "I have the power to elevate Helena's status. But I find it quite astounding that social differences are so important to you, young Bertram. Human blood is quite the same from one class to another. There is no difference in blood between the nobles and the peasants, or any human being. Blood is the same color; it's all the same. You should not compare social status, but actions. Helena may have a lowly status, but she is dignified by her virtuous deeds. I urge you to accept Helena as your bride."

"I cannot love that worthless mutt. And I will not try to do so, either," Bertram/Seto replied adamantly.

"You wrong yourself if you should strive to choose," said the King/Yami.

"All that matters is that you are in good health, my King. I'm glad for that. Let the rest go," said Helena/Joey softly. But the King/Yami wasn't ready to give in just yet.

The King/Yami focused his attention on Bertram/Seto once more, deciding to execute his power over him. "This is your last warning. Take Helena as your bride."

"I will _never_ take her," Bertram/Seto growled.

"If you refuse to accept Helena as your bride," said the King/Yami, "then I will disown you and revoke you of your title."

Bertram/Seto, fearful of such a public dishonor, nodded his head in agreement to taking Helena as his bride.

The King/Yami smiled. "Take Helena by the hand and tell her she is yours."

Bertam/Seto took Helena's/Joey's hand and looked as if he was disgusted. "I…take her hand," he said reluctantly.

"Good fortune! You are in favor of the King and I smile upon this holy union. As you love her, your love to me reigns true," announced the King/Yami, blessing their union.

Everyone stepped off to the side, leaving Bertram/Seto and Helena/Joey standing gloriously in the center of the stage. Bertram/Seto took Helena's/Joey's hands in his and everyone left the stage save Lafeu/Marik and Parolles/Duke.

Lafeu/Marik approached Parolles/Duke, saying, "Might I have a word with you?"

"It would be my pleasure, sir," Parolles/Duke replied.

"Bertram, your lord and master, did well to make his recantation."

"Recantation? My lord? My master?" Parolles/Duke exclaimed.

"But of course. Do you not understand the language I speak? I only mean that it was good of your master to finally accept the dear Helena as his bride. Although, God should be your rightful master, but I do believe the devil is instead."

"You have a most harsh language," Parolles/Duke growled.

"Are you…a _companion_ to the Count of Rousillon? Bertram?" Lafeu/Marik asked conceitedly.

"To any count…to all counts, to what is man."

"To what is count's man? Count's master is of another style. Oh, if I were younger, I would beat you senseless."

Parolles/Duke laughed degradingly at him. "You are far too old, sir. Let it satisfy you. You are too old."

"I did think that you were a pretty wise individual. You did make an acceptable account of your travels. But your scarf dissuades me of your true nature. You are good for nothing, except _taking up_. Even then you seem hardly worth it," replied Lafeu/Marik maliciously, throwing Parolles'/Duke's scarf in his face.

"Have you not the privilege of the distant past upon you-"

"Don't get angry unless you want to quicken your trial, which if, the Lord have mercy on you for a hen! You are a coward and a liar! So, my little pauper, I hope you fare well. I can see through your façade. Give me your hand."

"My lord, you give me much disgrace."

"Yes, with all my heart. You are definitely worthy of it."

"I have not deserved it, my lord!" Parolles/Duke snapped.

"Bah! I have no more words to waste on your pitiful self," Lafeu/Marik said, growing impatient. He stormed off the stage, Parolles/Duke smirking triumphantly.

"Good. This is very good. Let's hope it stays concealed awhile," Parolles/Duke mumbled. He jumped when he noticed Bertram/Seto come back onstage.

"I am undone…and forfeited to cares forever!" Bertram/Seto roared angrily.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" asked Parolles/Duke earnestly.

"Although I have married that ghastly mutt, I will _not_ bed her! Consummating the marriage be damned!"

"What's that, sweetheart?"

"Oh, my Parolles. They have married me. I'll just go to war so that I never have to bed her," Bertram/Seto said, sounding pleased with himself.

"That's a fine idea, sweetheart. It is unmanly to stay behind in the arms of your wife. You should be proving your valor on the battlefield," Parolles/Duke said encouragingly.

"Hm. I shall. I will send Helena to my house with a letter to my mother saying how I detest my forced bride. Then I shall sneak off to war without informing the King," Bertram/Seto replied.

"That is a wonderful idea. You should do it! The King has wronged you greatly by forcing you to marry Helena," supported Parolles/Duke.

Bertram/Seto nodded. "Come with me to my room where you can advise me. I'll send that mongrel to my mother tomorrow. That should be soon enough."

"Yes. That should be soon enough," Parolles/Duke repeated, taking Bertram/Seto by the arm as he guided him off the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	8. Act II, Scene IV

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act II, Scene IV – Paris – The King's Palace_

Helena/Joey entered the stage with Lavache/Bakura the Clown.

"My mother greets me kindly. Is she well?" Helena/Joey asked sweetly.

"She is not well, but she has her good health. She is very merry, but she is not well. Thanks be given, she is very well and wants nothing in the world, but she is not well," answered Lavache/Bakura.

Helena/Joey was confused. "If she's well and does not suffer from anything, then why is she not well?"

"Truly, she is very well indeed except for two things," Lavache/Bakura replied.

Helena/Joey looked like she was growing irritated with the brief answers Lavache/Bakura was providing. "What two things?"

"Firstly, that she's not in heaven whither God send her quickly!" Lavache/Bakura quipped. Helena/Joey raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Secondly, she is on earth from whence God send her quickly!"

"Wha-"

"Bless you, my fortunate lady!" interrupted Parolles/Duke, coming onstage majestically.

"I do hope, sir, that I have your good will in order to have my own good fortunes," replied Helena/Joey.

"You had my prayers to lead on your good fortunes. Oh! My knave!" Parolles/Duke called, indicating Lavache/Bakura. "How is my old lady?"

"So…if you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would she did as you say," answered Lavache/Bakura insultingly.

Parolles/Duke eyed him oddly. "Why, I would say nothing."

"Wow! Really? How unlike you!" declared Lavache/Bakura sarcastically. "You, Master Parolles, are a wise man who says nothing, does nothing, knows nothing, and has nothing," he laughed.

Parolles/Duke glared at him. "Go away! You are a knave!"

"You should have said, sir, before a knave, you are a knave! That is, before me you are a knave! This is the truth, sir!" announced Lavache/Bakura all-knowingly.

"Go! You are a witty fool! I have found you!" Parolled/Duke appeared quite agitated by the Clown's comments.

"Oh, did the poor little Master find me in himself, sir? Or were you taught to find me? The search must have been profitable and there is much a fool that you may find in you, even to the world's pleasure and the increase of laughter!" Lavache/Bakura roared in amusement.

"A good knave in faith and well fed," growled Parolles/Duke. He turned to face Helena/Joey. "Madam, my lord Bertram will leave tonight. He was called away on serious business. The great sanction and rite of love in your marriage bed, which, as your due, time claims, Bertram does acknowledge. He apologizes for not being able to consummate the marriage."

"Is there anything my husband wants me to do?" asked Helena/Joey.

"Yes. Bertram wants you to leave at once and carry a letter from him to his mother. But you are to tell the King where you are going," Parolles/Duke replied.

"Is there anything else he wants of me?"

Parolles/Duke nodded. "That, having this obtained, you presently attend his further pleasure."

"All right. In everything, I wait upon his will," Helena/Joey said.

"I shall report it so."

"Thank you," Helena/Joey stated as Parolles/Duke left the stage. "Come, Lavache." Helena/Joey and Lavache/Bakura left after Parolles/Duke.

* * *

**End Scene**


	9. Act II, Scene V

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act II, Scene V – Paris – The King's Palace_

Lafeu/Marik and Bertram/Seto entered the stage hastily.

"I do hope you don't think that you are a soldier," said Lafeu/Marik in reprimand.

"I am, indeed, my lord. And a very valiant one, if truth be told," replied Bertram/Seto sincerely.

"You listened to that Parolles, didn't you?"

"And from other credible individuals."

Lafeu/Marik sighed in aggravation. "You must be wary of his true nature!"

"I do assure you, my lord, that Parolles is very great in knowledge and astoundingly valiant," Bertram/Seto said, trying to defend his dear friend.

"You cannot trust him! His personality is as changeable as his clothes!"

"These things shall be done, sir!" announced Parolles/Duke to Bertram/Seto, making his way toward the two.

"Hello, Parolles," spat Lafeu/Marik. "May I ask who your tailor is?"

"Sir?" Parolles/Duke asked in confusion.

"Oh, I know him very well, sir. He is a good workman, a very good tailor," Lafeu/Marik rambled.

As he continued to blab on, Bertram/Seto turned to Parolles/Duke and said, "Has she gone to the King?"

"She has," Parolles/Duke replied.

"Will she go away tonight?"

"She will."

"Good. I have written my letters, put together my treasure, and given orders for our horses. Tonight, when I should take possession of my bride, I will leave," Bertram/Seto stated in earnest.

Listening to Lafeu/Marik once more, they realized that his ramblings had only gotten worse. "A good traveler is something at the latter end of a dinner, but one that lies three thirds and uses a known truth to pass a thousand nothings with. It should be heard once and beaten thrice. God save you, Parolles."

"Have the two of you fallen out?" inquired Bertram/Seto.

"I don't know how I deserved to run into Lafeu's displeasure," answered Parolles/Duke.

"You ran into it!" declared Lafeu/Marik impatiently. "Boots and spurs and all! Like the one who leaped into the custard! And out of it, you'll run again, rather than suffer the question for your residence!" The ramblings of an old lord could be quite bothersome and difficult to understand.

"It may be that you have mistaken him, my lord," appeased Bertram/Seto.

"The soul of a man is his clothes!" roared Lafeu/Marik, pointing aggressively at Parolles/Duke. "Meaning that Parolles has no depth of character! You must not trust him in matters of great importance!" he bellowed, storming off the stage.

"A redundant lord, I swear," said Parolles/Duke, looking after the old lord.

"I think you are right about that," replied Bertram/Seto.

"Why? Do you not know him?"

"I know him well and common speech gives him a worthy pass. Great. Here comes my dog," Bertram/Seto stated crossly. They turned to see Helena/Joey enter the stage.

"I have done what you commanded me, sir. I spoke with the King and have obtained his consent for leaving. He only desires to have a private talk with you," Helena/Joey said to Bertram/Seto.

"I shall obey his will. I want you to take this letter, Helena, and leave," Bertram/Seto said, handing her a letter. "It is for my mother."

"Sir, all I can say is that I am your most obedient servant," said Helena/Joey adoringly.

"Come, come, no more of that."

"You are my great fortune and I shall always obey you."

"Let it go," he replied hurriedly. "I need to depart. Leave for my home."

"Um, Bertram?" asked Helena/Joey shyly.

"What is it?" he snapped.

"I am not worthy of the wealth I owe, nor dare I say that you are mine, and yet you are. But, like a fearful thief, most would steal what the law does vouch for as my own."

"What do you want?" Bertram/Seto deadpanned, a glare hardening his features.

"I…I would like a farewell kiss," Helena/Joey replied hesitantly.

"Absolutely not," Bertram/Seto replied coldly. "Now get going."

"I shall obey you, Bertram," Helena/Joey said softly, disappointed at the refusal of a simple kiss.

"Where are my other men? Farewell," Bertram/Seto stated curtly as Helena/Joey left. "Yes. Go toward my home, where I shall never go for as long as you are alive," he muttered. Turning to Parolles/Duke, he said, "Let us go to Florence and fight in the wars!"

"Yes. Let's," Parolles/Duke replied, walking off the stage with Bertram/Seto.

* * *

**End Scene**


	10. Act III, Scene I

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene I – Florence – The Duke's Palace_

The Duke of Florence/Tristan entered the stage, attended by two Frenchmen and a troop of soldiers.

"Have you heard the primary reasons for this war? Whose great decision has so many men thirsting for blood?" asked the Duke/Tristan.

"Your grace's reason for the quarrel seems to be a holy one, but black and fearful on his opposition," answered the First Lord.

"I just can't believe that the French King refuses to help," said the Duke/Tristan, expressing his astonishment.

"Well, my good lord, the younger lords will soon come to Florence to exercise their talents in military exploits," quipped the Second Lord.

"Be it his pleasure," said the Duke/Tristan.

"But I am sure the younger of our nature, that excess on their ease, will eventually come here," added the First Lord.

The Duke/Tristan sighed. "And welcome they shall be. And all of the honors that can fly from us shall settle on these younger ones. You know your places well. Who better to fall than them? Tomorrow we go to the field."

And with that, they left the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	11. Act III, Scene II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene II – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

The Countess/Yugi and Lavache/Bakura entered the stage quickly.

"I am quite pleased with how things have turned out. My only regret is that my son, Bertram, has not come home with his bride, Helena," said the Countess/Yugi.

"Bertram seemed to be very melancholic with the arrangement," replied Lavache/Bakura.

"Please tell me, by what observance?"

"Why, Bertram will be miserable about anything. His boots, his hair, when he asks questions, when he picks his teeth, you name it, he bickers about it."

"Hm. Let me see what he has written and when he will return home," said the Countess/Yugi, opening the letter.

"I have dropped my intention of marrying Isbel since I have been at court. I find that there is a great difference between the Isbels of the country and the Isbels of the court," added Lavache/Bakura quickly.

"What have we here?" the Countess/Yugi asked contemplatively, not really listening to Lavache/Bakura.

"Even that you have there," Lavache/Bakura mumbled before leaving the stage.

The Countess/Yugi glanced over Bertram's letter. It read: 'I have sent you a daughter-in-law. She cured the King and has undone me. I have wedded her, but not bedded her. Plus, I have sworn to make the _not_ eternal. You will also hear that I have run away, and it is true. I will therefore remain away. My duty to you. Your unfortunate son, Bertram.'

"Bertram, why have you done this? Your foolish actions will surely anger the King," the Countess/Yugi exclaimed.

Lavache/Bakura chose that moment to hurriedly reappear onstage. "Oh, Madam! There is news between two soldiers and my young lady!"

"What's the matter?"

"Well, there is some comfort in the news. Your son will not be killed as soon as I thought he would be," Lavache/Bakura replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why should he be killed?" shrieked the Countess/Yugi.

"I am sorry to say that your son has run away, but the ones coming here may be able to tell you more than I," he said before leaving once more.

Helena/Joey entered the stage with two gentlemen.

"Save you, good Madam," the First Gentleman replied gently.

"Madam! Bertram is gone! Forever gone!" Helena/Joey cried desperately to the Countess/Yugi.

"Do not say so!" declared the Second Gentleman.

"You must be patient, sweet Helena. I have experienced so many situations of grief and joy that they have lost the capacity to move me excessively," the Countess/Yugi said to Helena/Joey. Turning to the gentlemen, the Countess/Yugi asked, "Do you know where Bertram has gone?"

"Your son has gone off to serve the Duke of Florence in battle," answered the Second Gentleman.

Helena/Joey showed the Countess/Yugi the letter she received from Bertram/Seto. It read: 'I will never be your husband until you can obtain the ring I always wear on my finger and you become pregnant with my child. I will, also, never return to France for as long as you are alive.'

"Did you bring this letter, gentlemen?" asked the Countess/Yugi.

"Yes, Madam. And we apologize for its sorrowful contents. And…Parolles is accompanying and advising Bertram," answered the First Gentleman sheepishly.

The Countess/Yugi, infuriated at Bertram's/Seto's conduct said, "He does not deserve Helena's love! And as for Parolles, he is a tainted fellow full of wickedness! He is corrupting my son by encouraging him in his waywardness!"

Breathing heavily from the outburst, the Countess/Yugi addressed the gentlemen. "Since you are returning to Florence, tell Bertram that he will _never_ again regain the honor he has lost by abandoning his wife, Helena! Give this letter to Bertram! I am disowning him!" the Countess/Yugi snapped, leaving with the gentleman.

Helena/Joey, left alone, ran around the stage recklessly, throwing anything and everything in sight before collapsing into a sobbing heap in the middle of the stage.

"Bertram says that he will not return until he has no wife! He has nothing in France until he has no wife! It's my fault that my dear Bertram is in the war. I want him to be safe, but I truly believe that he will be killed in battle…and it will be all my fault," Helena/Joey sobbed bitterly.

Gradually calming down, Helena/Joey added, "I desperately want him to return to Rousillon, away from battle. But since it is my _presence_ in France that keeps him away…I will sneak away at night and hope that he will consider it safe for him to return."

Slowly rising and casting a broken glance out toward the audience, Helena/Joey turned around and left the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	12. Act III, Scene III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene III – Florence – Before the Duke's Palace_

There was a flourish and sounding of trumpets and drums when the Duke/Tristan, Bertram/Seto, and Parolles/Duke entered the stage, which was now the court at Florence, along with some soldiers.

The Duke/Tristan faced Bertram/Seto and said, "I now appoint you as general of the cavalry. I invest my trust, and my love, in you."

"Although it is a heavy responsibility, I will make an effort to fulfill it to the best of my ability. And I will also venture to the very edge of danger," replied Bertram/Seto.

Satisfied with Bertram's/Seto's reply, the Duke/Tristan said, "I wish you good fortune in your endeavors."

"I appeal to Mars, the god of war. From this day onward, I will be the lover of the drums of war and the hater of love."

Then everyone left the stage, preparing for the next scene.

* * *

**End Scene**


	13. Act III, Scene IV

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene IV – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

The Countess/Yugi—appearing quite upset because of Helena's/Joey's midnight departure—and the Steward entered the stage gradually.

"Alas! Why has Helena sent me a farewell letter? May you please read it again?" the Countess/Yugi said sorrowfully.

The Steward held up the letter and began reading. "'I am so sorry to leave you, but I must. I am the one who is responsible for this entire mess and I can only hope that Bertram will now feel free to come home. I have gone off on a pilgrimage and I will never return. I wish you the best. Helena.'"

The Countess/Yugi strode around the stage angrily. "Oh! Bertram enrages me so! I can sense the pain and hurt in Helena's dear words. If only I had known she would have left. I would have persuaded her not to."

"Pardon me, Madam. If I had given you this overnight, Helena might have been overtaken, and yet she writes that pursuing her would be in vain," replied the Steward.

"I want you to send a message to Bertram. He is such an unworthy husband to treat sweet Helena so. My grief is so unbearable. But dispatch the most reliable messenger you have and let him inform Bertram of Helena's departure. Hopefully, when he hears that she is gone, he will return home. And I hope that Helena, hearing that Bertram returns home, will come back, as well, because of the pure love she feels for him. Go now. Inform the messenger to tell Bertram of Helena's leaving," said the Countess/Yugi desolately as the both of them left the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	14. Act III, Scene V

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene V – Florence – Outside the Walls of Florence_

An old Widow of Florence/Malik, her daughter Diana/Ryou, and Mariana/Tea, along with some citizens, entered the stage.

"No. Come. For if they do approach the city, we will lose sight of them," said the Widow/Malik.

"They say that the French Count, Bertram, has done a most honorable service," stated Diana/Ryou.

"Well, it is reported that Bertram has taken their greatest commander and that with his own bare hands, he killed the Duke's brother," replied the Widow/Malik.

"Diana, you should be cautious of the great French Count, Bertram, for he is pursuing you. You must beware because a maiden's honor is her unsullied name," urged Mariana/Tea.

"I know that you, Mariana, have been solicited by a gentleman companion of Bertram," said the Widow/Malik.

"Ugh!" replied Mariana/Tea disgustedly. "The man is Parolles. He has been coming around with Bertram. Parolles seems to be influencing the young Count to act in a way that is less than gentlemanly. Stay away from them, Diana. I hope I do not need to advise you further, but I hope your own grace will keep you where you are. There is no further danger known than modesty which is so lost."

"You do not need to fear for me," answered Diana/Ryou.

"I certainly hope so," added the Widow/Malik.

Suddenly, Helena/Joey appeared, disguised as a pilgrim.

"Look! There's a pilgrim. I wonder where she is headed. I'll question her," began the Widow/Malik. "Pilgrim! Where are you headed?"

"To Saint Jacques le Grand. Where might I find a place to stay?" inquired Helena/Joey.

"There is a lodge at Saint Francis," replied the Widow/Malik.

"Is this the way?" Helena/Joey asked, pointing ahead.

"No, it isn't. You need to go-" The Widow/Malik was interrupted by the sound of marching in the distance. "Pilgrim. I can escort you to Saint Francis after the soldiers come through the town."

"Thank you," said Helena/Joey.

"Did you come from France?" inquired the Widow/Malik.

"Yes."

"A noble and valiant Count from France will be among these soldiers," the Widow/Malik continued.

"Who is this Count?" asked Helena/Joey.

"The Count is named Bertram. Do you know of him?" questioned Diana/Ryou.

"No, I do not. But I have heard of him," Helena/Joey answered, pretending not to know who he was.

"It is rumored that Bertram has come to Florence to escape from an arranged marriage. And it is said that he detests his wife. Do you think this is true?" Diana/Ryou asked.

"I have heard the story and I do know that it is true."

Diana/Ryou sighed, saying, "It must be terrible to be a detested wife."

"Hm…Bertram's wife must have a heavy heart and be in need of help," the Widow/Malik remarked sympathetically. "And Bertram has attempted to seduce my daughter, Diana, but she has kept her guard."

"Is that so?" Helena/Joey replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Indeed, it is!" exclaimed Diana/Ryou.

"So now they come," groaned the Widow/Malik as Bertram/Seto, Parolles/Duke, and the rest of the army entered the stage, the sound of drumbeats in the air.

They looked over the soldiers before Helena/Joey asked, "Which one is Bertram?"

"Him, with the plume. It is a pity that a man so gallant is so dishonest," remarked Diana/Ryou.

"Hn…I like him well," commented Helena/Joey.

"I blame Parolles. If I were married to him, I would poison the vile rascal," said Diana/Ryou.

"And which one is he?"

"The jack-an-apes with scarves. Why is he melancholy?" voiced Diana/Ryou.

"Maybe he was hurt in battle." Helena/Joey sounded quite hopeful.

"Lose our drum! Well!" announced Parolles/Duke to the crowd.

"He's shrewdly vexed at something. Oh, no! He's seen us!" shrieked Diana/Ryou.

"Leave! Go on! Leave!" hissed the Widow/Malik, willing them away.

Soon, Bertram/Seto, Parolles/Duke, and the army exited the stage triumphantly.

"Thank goodness. They're gone. Come, pilgrim. Let me show you your lodgings," said the Widow/Malik.

"Thank you very much," replied Helena/Joey. "Would you like to join me for dinner tonight?"

"That would be wonderful!" they answered happily.

And then they left the stage in a hurry.

* * *

**End Scene**


	15. Act III, Scene VI

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene VI – Camp Before Florence_

Bertram/Seto entered the stage along with two French Lords.

"My good Lord, Parolles is a despicable man," said the Second Lord.

"Exactly," agreed the First Lord. "He brags to everything that moves. Not to mention his…_swaggering_."

"Indeed," replied the Second Lord.

"Do you think I have been truly deceived by him so much?" asked Bertram/Seto.

"My Lord, Parolles is a most extraordinary coward and an infinite and continual liar! He breaks his promises hourly! That man does not possess a _single_ good quality!" exclaimed the First Lord, eagerly trying to convince Bertram/Seto.

"We should test him so that we may expose Parolles' true nature. This way, you will see the error in your friendship with him before something terrible happens," suggested the Second Lord.

"What particular way should Parolles be tested?" inquired Bertram/Seto anxiously.

"Hm…I propose that Parolles should be allowed to recapture the drum taken by the enemy in a recent battle," offered the First Lord.

"I will suddenly surprise Parolles with a troop of Florentines and pretend to be the enemy," added the Second Lord. "We will blind him and trick him and lead him to believe that he is being carried to the enemy camp when he is actually placed in our own tents. I only ask that you be present, my Lord, at Parolles' examination. I am quite confident that Parolles will betray you and reveal important information to the people he assumes are his enemies."

"I support this proposal," the First Lord replied enthusiastically. "I think it will convince you, my Lord, and it will also be very funny. Besides, Parolles always boasts of his strategies for recovering the drum. This will give him his chance. Oh, look! Here he comes now!"

At that moment, Parolles/Duke entered the stage.

"Oh, for the love of laughter, let him fetch off his drum in any hand," whispered the Second Lord to Bertram/Seto.

"You know, recovering the drum would surely be a great achievement," said Bertram/Seto.

"Yes, it would. It would be a cause for heroic celebrations," agreed the First Lord.

As expected, Parolles/Duke took the bait. "I, alone, can get the drum back!" boasted Parolles/Duke, leaving.

"He sure is confident," stated the Second Lord. Bertram/Seto and the First Lord nodded in agreement.

"Parolles' confidence is just a sign of his good intentions and honest capabilities," said Bertram/Seto unworriedly.

"Why does the fact that Parolles is a boaster and a liar not seem real to you?" exclaimed the Second Lord.

"Well, I must prepare the trap for Parolles," announced the First Lord, leaving the stage.

"Oh! I want to show you the young virgin, Diana, I have been speaking of, of whom I have been relentlessly pursuing. But the girl's main fault is her honesty, because she keeps turning me down," Bertram/Seto said suddenly.

The First Lord did a double take. "But you said she's honest!"

"And that is her fault. Will you accompany me on my next visit to Diana?" asked Bertram/Seto.

"Um…with all my heart, my Lord," he replied reluctantly as they left the stage together.

* * *

**End Scene**


	16. Act III, Scene VII

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act III, Scene VII – Florence – The Widow's House_

Helena/Joey and the Widow/Malik entered the stage, both appearing quite wound up.

"I am telling you the truth! I really am Bertram's wife!" exclaimed Helena/Joey, trying to convince the Widow/Malik.

"I'm sorry, but I highly doubt that," replied the Widow/Malik skeptically.

Exasperated, Helena/Joey said, "I do not know how else to assure you that I am telling the truth!"

"Fine. But I do not wish to get involved with your plan to win Bertram back," the Widow/Malik stated, her suspicion still clearly evident.

"Take this purse of gold coins in exchange for your help with additional payment when my plan is finished," Helena/Joey said, offering the Widow/Malik a purse of gold. "When Bertram comes around again, your daughter, Diana, should pretend to yield his advances and demand from him the ring he always wears on his finger. Since the ring is a family heirloom that has been handed down from one generation to another, Bertram will be reluctant to part with it, but he will eventually do so in order to win Diana. She should fix a time and place for a secret meeting between the two of them, and when Bertram arrives, I will take Diana's place in bed with Bertram."

"Oh! Now I see your purpose!" exclaimed the Widow/Malik. "You are quite the clever girl, aren't you? Not only will you save my daughter's virtue, but you will trick your husband into sleeping with you so that you can claim him as yours! Brilliant!"

Pleased with their plan, they left the stage, acting as if they were preparing to put the plan into motion.

* * *

**End Scene**


	17. Act IV, Scene I

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act IV, Scene I – Without the Florentine Camp_

The Second French Lord entered the stage with five other soldiers, who laid in wait for the ambush upon Parolles/Duke.

"Parolles cannot come any other way except this one. Once you see him, speak whatever terrible language you will; however, you must understand it yourself. We have to appear as if we do not understand Parolles, unless, of course, we produce someone among us who can act as interpreter," said the Second Lord.

"Good captain, might I be the interpreter?" asked the First Soldier.

"Do you not know Parolles? Won't he know your voice?" inquired the Second Lord.

"No, sir. I guarantee you."

"Hm. All right then. But he must think we are some band of strangers in the enemy's entertainment. Now, Parolles knows a little of all the neighboring languages, so everyone must find some way of communicating with one another. And since you will be interpreter, you must appear very diplomatic. Ah! Here he comes!"

Parolles/Duke then entered, talking to himself. "Oh, what trouble I'm in. I know that I am a liar and it seems everyone else is beginning to notice."

"That is the first truth that has ever passed your lips," mumbled the Second Lord, making sure that Parolles/Duke could neither hear him nor see him.

"I cannot go after the drum!" exclaimed Parolles/Duke. "I am far too frightened."

"Is it possible he should know what he is?"

"Perhaps I should come up with a reason why I do not have the drum. I can cut my garments or break my sword."

"We cannot afford you so," muttered the Second Lord.

"Or the baring of my head and say that it was a ruse."

"It would not do so."

"I could drown my clothes and say that I was stripped."

"It would hardly serve."

"And then I could swear that I leaped from the window of the citadel."

"How deep?"

"Perhaps…thirty fathoms."

"Thirty fathoms would hardly be believed."

"If I had any drum of the enemy's, I would swear I had recovered it."

"Heh…you shall hear one shortly."

"A drum of the enemy's-" Parolles/Duke was interrupted by the angry sounds of trumpets.

"Throca movousus, cargo, cargo, cargo," said the Second Lord to Parolles/Duke in a nonsense language.

"Cargo, cargo, cargo, villiando par corbo, cargo," replied the rest of the soldiers.

"No! Do not hide my eyes!" Parolles/Duke screamed as the soldiers seized and blindfolded him.

"Boksos thromuldo boskos," said the First Soldier.

"I know that you are the Muskos' regiment! I will lose my life because I do not know your language! Does anyone here speak German, Dane, low Dutch, Italian, or French? If so, let him speak to me! I will tell you what you wish to know in order to defeat the Florentine!" cried Parolles/Duke.

"Boskos vauvado. I understand you and can speak your tongue. Kerely bonto, sir, you'd best be truthful, for there are seventeen daggers pointed at your chest," said the First Soldier.

"Oh!" exclaimed Parolles/Duke.

"Oh, pray, pray, pray! Manka revania dulche," continued the First Soldier.

"Oscorbidulchos volivorco," stated the Second Lord.

"The general wishes to spare you," began the First Soldier, "yet, as deceiving as you are, you may provide us with some information that may save your life."

"Oh, let me live!" begged Parolles/Duke helplessly. "I'll show you all the secrets of our camp, their force, and their purposes! I'll tell you whatever it is you wish to know!"

"But will you do so faithfully?" asked the First Soldier.

"If I do not, then damn me," answered Parolles/Duke.

"Acordo linta. Come on. You are granted space," said the First Soldier.

They exited, with Parolles/Duke left behind, guarded by some soldiers.

The Second Lord pulled the Second Soldier off to the side and said, "Go to Bertram and my brother. Tell them we have caught Parolles and we will keep him from speaking until we hear from them."

"I will, captain," replied the Second Soldier.

"And tell them that Parolles will betray us all unto ourselves."

"I will, sir."

"Until then, I will keep Parolles in the dark and safely locked."

And with that, everyone exited the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	18. Act IV, Scene II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act IV, Scene II – Florence – The Widow's House_

Bertram/Seto and Diana/Ryou entered the stage together.

"They told me that your name was Fontibell," said Bertram/Seto.

"No, my good lord. My name is Diana," replied Diana/Ryou.

"Hm…like the goddess. And you are worthy of such a name. You are not a maiden, but a monument. When you are dead, you should be one as you are now, for you are cold and stern. And now, you should be as your mother was when your sweet self was had."

"She was honest then."

"And so should you be."

"No. My mother did but her duty. Such a duty, my lord, as you owe to your wife."

"No more of that!" Bertram/Seto snapped. "Do not strive against my vows. I was compelled to her, but I love you. And by love's own sweet restraint, I will forever do you all rights of service."

"So you serve us till we serve you? But when you have our roses, you barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves and you mock us with our bareness."

"How have I sworn?"

"It is not the many oaths that makes the truth, but the plain, single vow that is vowed truly. If I should swear by God's great qualities that I loved you dearly, would you believe me? Especially when I did love you poorly? This has no holding. Your oaths are words and ill conditions, but unsealed, at least, in my opinion."

"Change it. Change it. Love is holy. And my integrity never knew the deceit that you charge men with. Do not stand more off," said Bertram/Seto, lightly playing with Diana's/Ryou's hair. "Satisfy my sick desires. Say you are mine, and my love will, as it begins, persevere."

"No. Not unless you give me your ring," declared Diana/Ryou stubbornly.

"I'll lend it to you, my dear. But I cannot give it to you since it is a token of my family's pride and honor."

"I will only give myself to you if you give me your ring," Diana/Ryou insisted.

Bertram/Seto sighed and paused as if thinking intently. "Here, take my ring. My house, my honor, my life, is yours. And I will abide by you."

Diana/Ryou smiled at him sweetly. "When midnight comes, knock at my chamber window. I will make sure my mother does not hear. And when you come to take my virginity, you must stay there for an hour and not speak to me. My reasons are most strong and you shall never know them. And when back again this ring shall be delivered. But on this special night, I will put on your finger another ring. This ring may token to the future our past deeds. Farewell, then. You have won me as a wife, though, there, my hope is done."

Bertram/Seto grinned victoriously. "A heaven on earth I have won by wooing you," he said as he left the stage.

Diana/Ryou watched him go and started speaking out of his earshot. "Hn, you may as well thank both heaven and me! You may in the end. My mother told me just how you would woo. She says all men have similar oaths. You have sworn to marry me when your wife is dead; therefore, I'll lie with you when I am buried! I will live and die a maid! But soon, very soon, you will get what you deserve."

* * *

**End Scene**


	19. Act IV, Scene III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act IV, Scene III – Midnight Tryst_

The curtains opened to reveal a giant bed in the middle of the stage, but the light did not illuminate it enough to see any faces.

Bertram/Seto entered the stage slowly, apprehensively approaching the bed. He pulled back the covers and slipped into it.

The curtains closed, concealing the midnight tryst between the two lovers in the bed, which actually consisted of Bertram/Seto and Helena/Joey. However, Bertram/Seto was unaware that Helena/Joey had taken the place of Diana/Ryou in the bed, where Helena/Joey finally lost her virginity to Bertram/Seto.

* * *

_Act IV, Scene III – The Florentine Camp_

Two French Lords entered the stage, along with three soldiers.

"You have not given Bertram his mother's letter?" inquired the First Lord.

"I delivered it just over an hour ago. There is something in it that stings his nature, because upon reading it, he almost changed into another man," answered the Second Lord.

"Bertram has much blame laid upon him for shaking off such a good wife and sweet lady."

"Yes. His actions have dishonored him greatly. No amount of military valor can ever make up for that! And now, I have another secret to tell you."

"What is that?"

"Bertram has perverted a young gentlewoman here in Florence. Her name is Diana and she is most chaste. Tonight, Bertram intends to take her to bed and rid her of her virginity. He's given Diana his monumental ring and thinks himself made in this unchaste composition," related the Second Lord.

"My, God! Delay our rebellion! Look at what things we are!"

"We are merely our own traitors. And as in the common course of all treasons, we will see them reveal themselves, till they attain to their loathed ends. So Bertram, in this action, contrives against his own nobility!"

"Is it not damnable to us to be the trumpeter of our unlawful intents? Bertram will not be with us tonight, then?" asked the First Lord.

"No. Not until after midnight. Bertram is set to his hour."

"Hm. That approaches soon. I would gladly see his company anatomized. He might take a measure of his own judgments, in which, so strangely he had set this sham."

"We will not meddle with him until he comes, for his presence must be the whip of the other."

"Well, in the meantime, what have you heard of these wars?"

"I've heard there is an approach of peace."

"I assure you; a peace concluded."

"What will Bertram do then? Will he travel higher or will he return to France?"

"I think, by this demand, you are not altogether of his council."

"Uh, let it be forbid, sir. I should be a great deal of his act," replied the Second Lord.

"Sir, Bertram's wife Helena, some two months ago, fled from his house. She claimed to be on a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand, in which she accomplished this holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony. Residing in the tenderness of her nature, Helena became prey to her grief. In fine, she made a groan of her last breath and now she sings in heaven."

"How is this justified?" exclaimed the Second Lord in shock.

"Well, the stronger part of it is by Helena's own letter, which makes her story true, even up to the point of her death. Helena's death itself, which cannot really be said by her, was faithfully confirmed by the rector of the place."

"Does Bertram know all this?"

"Yes, and the particular confirmations, from point to point, are all true."

"I am terribly sorry that Bertram will be glad because of this."

"Hn. How mightily we sometimes make comforts out of our losses."

"And how mightily we sometimes drown our gains in our own tears. The great dignity Bertram's valor has acquired here shall, at home, put him to shame!"

"Yes. The web of life is spun together, both good and bad. Our virtues would be proud, but only if our faults were whipped. Our crimes would despair, but only if they were not cherished by our virtues," said the First Lord as a messenger entered the stage. "Here, now! Where's your master?" he inquired, addressing the messenger.

"He met the Duke in the street, sir, of whom he has taken a solemn leave. His lordship will leave the next morning for France. The Duke has offered him letters of commendations to the King," replied the messenger.

"These letters shall no more be needed there, if they were more than they can commend," said the Second Lord.

"They cannot be too sweet for the King's tartness. Here's his lordship now!" stated the First Lord, indicating Bertram/Seto as he entered the stage. "How, now, my lord! Is it not after midnight?"

"I have dispatched sixteen businesses tonight, a month's length apiece by an abstract of success. I have spoken with the Duke, said my farewells, buried a wife, mourned for her, written to my mother saying that I am returning, entertained my convoy, and between these main parts of dispatch, I have affected many nicer needs. The last was the greatest, but that I have not ended yet," said Bertram/Seto with a smirk.

"If the business is of any difficulty, and this morning you're leaving consequently, it requires that of your lordship," said the Second Lord.

"I mean that the business is not ended, as fearing to hear of his in the future. Must we have this dialogue between the fool and the soldier? Come. Bring forth this counterfeit module. Parolles has deceived me like a double-meaning prophesier," replied Bertram/Seto.

"Bring him forth. Parolles sat in the stocks all night, the poor, gallant knave," replied the Second Lord.

"No matter. His heels have deserved it in assuming his urges so long. How does he carry himself?" inquired Bertram/Seto.

"I have told you already, the stocks carry him. But to answer you as you would be understood, Parolles weeps like a woman that had shed her milk. He has confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes is a friar, from the time of his remembrance to this very instant; the disaster of him sitting in the stocks. What do you think he's confessed?"

"Nothing of me, I hope."

"His confession is taken and it shall be read to his face. If your lordship is in it, as I believe you are, you must have the patience to hear it," said the Second Lord as Parolles/Duke entered the stage being guarded by the First Soldier.

"A plague upon him! Muffled! He can say nothing of me. Hush! Hush!" hissed Bertram/Seto, still not believing Parolles/Duke would betray him.

"Hoodman comes! Portotartarosa?" asked the First Lord in the made up language.

"He calls for the tortures. What will you say without them?" inquired the First Soldier of Parolles/Duke, who was acting as interpreter.

"I will confess what I know without constraint," began Parolles/Duke hastily. "If you pinch me like a pastry, I can say no more."

"Bosko chimchurcho," said the First Soldier.

"Boblibindo chicurmurco," replied the First Lord.

"You are a merciful general. Our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note."

"And truly, as I hope to live."

"First, how many horses does the Duke have? What say you to that?"

"Five or six thousand; but very weak and unserviceable. The troops are all scattered, and the commanders are very poor rogues, upon my reputation and credit and as I hope to live."

"Shall I set down your answer so?"

"Do. I'll take the sacrament on it. How and which way you will."

"All's one to him. What a past-saving slave is this?" whispered Bertram/Seto.

"You're deceived, my lord. This is Monsieur Parolles, the gallant militarist. That was his own  
phrase, and that had the whole theorem of war in the knot of his scarf, and the practice in the shape of his dagger," replied the First Lord.

"I will never trust a man again for keeping his sword clean. Nor believe he can have everything in him by wearing his apparel neatly," added the Second Lord.

"Well, that's set down," announced the First Soldier.

"Five or six thousand horses, I said. I will say true. Or thereabouts, set down, for I'll speak truth," said Parolles/Duke.

"He's very near the truth in this," said the First Lord.

"But I do him no thanks for it, in the nature he delivers it," mumbled Bertram/Seto.

"Poor rogues, I pray you, say," said Parolles/Duke.

"Well, that's set down," repeated the First Soldier.

"I humbly thank you, sir. A truth's a truth, the rogues are marvelous poor."

"Of what strength are they on foot? What say you to that?"

"By my truth, sir, if I were to live this present hour, I will tell true. Let me see…Spurio, a hundred and fifty; Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so many; Jaques, so many; Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred and fifty each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two hundred and fifty each. So that the muster-file, rotten and sound, upon my life, amounts not to fifteen thousand polls; half of the like dare not shake snow from off their cassocks, lest they shake themselves to pieces," answered Parolles/Duke.

"What shall be done to him?" asked Bertram/Seto.

"Nothing, but let him have thanks. Demand of him my condition, and what credit I have with the Duke," answered the First Lord.

"Well, that's set down," began the First Soldier. "Is Captain Dumain in the camp? What is his reputation with the Duke? What is his valor, honesty, and expertness in wars? Is it not  
possible, with well-weighing sums of gold, to corrupt him to revolt? What say you to this? What do you know of it?"

"I beseech you; let me answer to the particular of the interrogatories. Demand them individually."

"Do you know this Captain Dumain?"

"I know him. He was a butcher's apprentice in Paris, from whence he was whipped for getting the shrieve's fool with child, a dumb innocent that could not say him nay."

"Nay, by your leave, hold your hands; though I know his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls," whispered Bertram/Seto.

"Well, is this captain in the Duke of Florence's camp?" asked the First Soldier.

"Upon my knowledge, he is, and lousy."

"Nay look not so upon me. We shall hear of your lordship soon," said the First Lord.

"What is his reputation with the Duke?"

"The Duke knows him for no other but a poor officer of mine; and writ to me this other day to turn him out of the band. I think I have his letter in my pocket," said Parolles/Duke.

"We'll search."

"In good sadness, I do not know; either it is there, or it is upon a file with the Duke's other letters  
in my tent."

"Here it is; here's a paper. Shall I read it to you?"

"I do not know if it be it or not."

"Our interpreter does it well," commented Bertram/Seto.

"Excellently," replied the First Lord.

"'Diana, the Count's a fool, and full of gold,'" read the First Soldier.

"That is not the Duke's letter, sir; that is an advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to take heed of the allurement of one Bertram, a foolish, idle boy, but for all that very brutish: I pray you, sir, put it up again," said Parolles/Duke.

"Nay, I'll read it first, by your favor."

"My meaning in it, I protest, was very honest in the behalf of the maid; for I knew the young Count to be a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity and devours up all the fry it finds."

"Damnable both-sided rogue!" spat Bertram/Seto.

"'When he swears oaths, bid him drop gold, and take it; after he scores, he never pays the score. Half won is a match well made; match, and well make it; he never pays after-debts, take it before; and say a soldier, Diana, told him this, men are to mill with, boys are not to kiss, for count of this, the Count's a fool, I know it, who pays before, but not when he does owe it. You, as he vowed to me in your ear, Parolles,'" read the First Soldier.

"He shall be whipped through the army with this rhyme in his forehead," growled Bertram/Seto.

"This is your devoted friend, sir, the manifold linguist and the arm potent soldier," stated the Second Lord.

"I could endure anything before but a cat, and now, he's a cat to me."

"I perceive, sir, by the general's looks, we shall be fain to hang you," commented the First Solider.

"My life, sir, in any case. Not that I am afraid to die, but that, my offences being many, I would repent out the remainder of nature. Let me live, sir, in a dungeon, in the stocks, or anywhere, so I may live," begged Parolles/Duke.

"We'll see what may be done, so you confess freely; therefore, once more to this Captain Dumain. You have answered to his reputation with the Duke and to his valor. What is his honesty?"

"He will steal, sir, an egg out of a cloister. For rapes and ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not keeping of oaths; in breaking them he is stronger than Hercules. He will lie, sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth was a fool. Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine-drunk; and in his sleep, he does little harm, save to his bed-clothes about him; but they know his conditions and lay him in straw. I have but little more to say, sir, of his honesty. He has everything that an honest man should not have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing," answered Parolles/Duke.

"I begin to love him for this," remarked the First Lord.

"For this description of his honesty! A pox upon him for me, he's more and more a cat!" spat Bertram/Seto.

"What say you to his expertness in war?" asked the First Soldier.

"Faith, sir, he has led the drum before the English tragedians; to belie him, I will not, and more of his soldier-ship I know not; except, in that country he had the honor to be the officer at a place there called Mile-end, to instruct for the doubling of files. I would do the man what honor I can, but of this I am not certain," replied Parolles/Duke.

"He has out-villained villainy so far, that the rarity redeems him."

"A pox on him, he's a cat still," Bertram/Seto repeated.

"His qualities being at this poor price, I need not to ask you if gold will corrupt him to revolt," said the First Soldier.

"Sir, he will sell the fee-simple of his salvation, the inheritance of it; and cut the entail from all remainders, and a perpetual succession for it continually," stated Parolles/Duke.

"What's his brother, the other Captain Dumain?"

"Why does he ask him of me?" asked the Second Lord.

"What's he?" the First Soldier asked again.

"Even a crow of the same nest; not altogether so great as the first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He excels his brother for a coward, yet his brother is reputed one of the best that is. In a retreat, he outruns any lackey; marry, in coming on he has the cramp," answered Parolles/Duke.

"If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray the Florentine?"

"Yes, and the captain of his horse, Bertram."

"I'll whisper with the general, and know his pleasure."

Parolles/Duke looked off to the side and said aloud to himself, "I'll no more drumming; a plague of all drums! Only to seem to deserve well and to beguile the supposition of that lascivious young boy, the Count, have I run into this danger. Yet who would have suspected an ambush where I was taken?"

"There is no remedy, sir, but you must die. The general says that you have so traitorously discovered the secrets of your army and made such pestiferous reports of men very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use; therefore, you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head," declared the First Soldier.

"Oh, Lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death!" pleaded Parolles/Duke.

"That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends," said the First Lord, unbinding Parolles/Duke. "So, look about you. Do you know any here?"

"Good morrow, noble captain," Bertram/Seto growled menacingly.

"God bless you, Captain Parolles," stated the Second Lord.

"God save you, noble captain," remarked the First Lord.

"Captain, what greetings will you to my Lord Lafeu? I am for France," said the Second Lord.

"Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet you writ to Diana in behalf of Bertram? And I were not a very coward, I would compel it of you. But fare you well," replied the First Lord.

Bertram/Seto and the Lords exited the stage briskly.

"You are undone, captain, all but your scarf; that has a knot on it yet," said the First Soldier.

"Who cannot be crushed with a plot?" commented Parolles/Duke.

"If you could find out a country where but women were that had received so much shame, you might begin an impudent nation. Fare you well, sir; I am for France, too. We shall speak of you there," he said as he left with the soldiers.

"Yet am I thankful. If my heart were great, it would burst at this. Captain, I'll be no more; but I will eat and drink, and sleep as soft as a captain shall. Simply, the thing I am shall make me live. Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass. Rust, sword? Cool, blushes? And, Parolles, live safest in shame! Being fooled, by foolery thrive! There is place and means for every man alive. I'll after them," said Parolles/Duke as he exited the stage as well.

* * *

**End Scene**


	20. Act IV, Scene IV

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act IV, Scene IV – Florence – The Widow's House_

Helena/Joey, the Widow/Malik, and Diana/Ryou entered the stage together.

"Thank you for your help," Helena/Joey began. "I assure you that you will be greatly awarded for it."

"Gentle madam, you never had a servant to whom you trust your business to than was more welcome," said the Widow/Malik.

"Nor you, mistress. Diana," Helena/Joey started, turning to face Diana/Ryou, "I am sorry to say that you must do a little more on my behalf."

"I will do anything to help you bring Bertram down to size. I, myself, think his actions are most despicable," replied Diana/Ryou honestly.

"Time will heal all wounds on your behalf. Besides, all's well that ends well," stated Helena/Joey, and they all left the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	21. Act IV, Scene V

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act IV, Scene V – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

The Countess/Yugi, Lafeu/Marik, and Lavache/Bakura briskly entered the stage.

"No, no, no, your son was deceived by a snipped-taffeta fellow there, whose villainous saffron would have made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in his color. Your daughter-in-law, Helena, had been alive at this hour, and your son here at home, more sophisticated by the King than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of," said Lafeu/Marik, referring to Parolles.

"Had I not known him, I would. It was the death of the most honorable gentlewoman that ever nature had praise for creating. If she had partaken of my flesh, and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I could not have owed her a more rooted love," replied the Countess/Yugi sorrowfully.

"It was a good lady, it was a good lady. We may pick a thousand salads here and we light on such another herb," continued Lafeu/Marik.

"Indeed, sir, Helena was the sweet marjoram of the salad, or rather, the herb of grace," commented Lavache/Bakura.

"They are not herbs, you idiot; they are nose-herbs," corrected Lafeu/Marik.

"Whatever!" spat Lavache/Bakura. "I have not much skill in grass."

"What do you profess yourself then? An idiot or a fool?" asked Lafeu/Marik.

Lavache/Bakura tapped a finger to his chin as if in thought. "A fool, sir, at a woman's service, and an idiot at a man's."

"Your distinction?"

"I would cheat the man of his wife and do his service."

"So you were an idiot at his service, indeed."

"And I would give his wife my trinket, sir, to do her service."

"I will subscribe for you; you are both idiot and fool."

"At your service."

"No, no, no," stated Lafeu/Marik in irritation.

"Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a prince as you are."

"Who's that? A Frenchman?"

"Faith, sir, has an English name, but his countenance is hotter in France than there."

"What prince is that?" exclaimed Lafeu/Marik.

"The black prince, sir; alias, the prince of darkness; alias, the devil."

"Hold yourself, there's my bag. I give you not this to suggest you from your master you talk of;  
serve him still."

"I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a great fire; and the master I speak of always keeps a good fire. But, sure, he is the prince of the world; let his nobility remain in his court. I am for the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be too little for ceremony to enter. Some that humble themselves may; but the many will be too chill and tender, and they'll be for the elaborate way that leads to the broad gate and the great fire."

"Go your ways, I begin to be weary of you; and I tell you so before, because I would not fall out with you. Go your ways. Let my horses be well looked to, without any tricks."

"If I put any tricks upon them, sir, they shall be jades' tricks; which are their own right by the law of nature," said Lavache/Bakura, finally, before he exited the stage.

"A shrewd idiot and an unhappy one at that," mumbled Lafeu/Marik.

"So he is," started the Countess/Yugi. "My lord, that's gone made himself much sport out of him. By his authority, he remains here, which he thinks is a patent for his sauciness; and, indeed, he has no pace, but runs where he will."

"Hn. I like him well; it is not incorrect. Since hearing the news of Helena's death and Bertram's return to France, I have spoken to the King about offering my own daughter as your son's second wife. The King himself had proposed the match when both my daughter and your son were children. And, to stop up the displeasure he has conceived against your son, Bertram, there is no fitter matter. How does your ladyship like it?" asked Lafeu/Marik.

"With very much content, my lord; and I wish it happily effected," replied the Countess/Yugi optimistically.

"His highness comes soon from Marseilles, of as able body as when he numbered thirty. He will be here tomorrow, or I am deceived by him that in such intelligence hath seldom failed."

"It rejoices me, that I hope I shall see him here I die. I have letters that my son will be here tonight. I shall beseech your lordship to remain with me till they meet together."

"Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might safely be admitted."

"You need but plead your honorable privilege."

"Lady, of that I have made a bold charter; but I thank my God it holds yet."

Lavache/Bakura re-entered the stage. "Oh, madam, your son returns with a patch of velvet on his face. But whether there be a scar under it or not, the velvet knows; but it is a goodly patch of velvet. His left cheek is a cheek of two piles and a half, but his right cheek is worn bare."

"A scar nobly got, or a noble scar, is a good livery of honor; so belike is that," said Lafeu/Marik.

"But it is your carbonadoed face," replied Lavache/Bakura.

"Let us go see your son, I pray you. I long to talk with the young, noble soldier."

"Faith there is a dozen of them, with delicate fine hats and most courteous feathers, which bow the head and nod at every man," said Lavache/Bakura as they all left the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	22. Act V, Scene I

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act V, Scene I – Marseilles – A Street_

Helena/Joey, the Widow/Malik, and Diana/Ryou, along with two attendants, entered the stage.

"Again, I promise to repay you generously for your efforts on my behalf," said Helena/Joey. A gentleman then entered the stage. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes?" replied the gentleman.

"I think I have seen you in the court of France."

"I have been there, yes."

"May I ask a favor of you?"

"What is your will?"

"Can you tell me the directions to the King, if you may?" asked Helena/Joey sweetly.

"The King's not here," answered the gentleman.

"Not here?"

"No, indeed. He has already left for Paris," explained the gentleman.

"Oh, dear!" exclaimed the Widow/Malik, quite discouraged. "All our efforts have been wasted."

"All's well that ends well, yet, at present, the situation appears to be bleak. Perhaps, sir, you can deliver a letter to the King? I assure you, you will be rewarded for your pains. I will follow you to Paris as quickly as I can," said Helena/Joey.

"This I shall do for you," replied the gentleman.

"And you shall find yourself well compensated for your troubles. We must ride, again! Go, go, provide!"

Helena/Joey, the Widow/Malik, and Ryou/Diana leave the stage in preparation for another journey.

* * *

**End Scene**


	23. Act V, Scene II

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act V, Scene II – Rousillon – Before the Count's Palace_

Lavache/Bakura entered the stage with Parolles/Duke following him from behind.

"Good Monsieur Lavache, will you please give my Lord Lafeu this letter?" requested Parolles/Duke, no longer well-dressed and proud. "We used to be friends when I wore nicer clothes. But now…now I smell of Fortune's displeasure."

Lavache/Bakura snickered. "Fortune's displeasure stinks."

Lafeu/Marik entered the stage and Lavache/Bakura took t as a sign for him to leave.

"My lord, I am a man whom Fortune has cruelly scratched," said Parolles/Duke.

"And what would you have me do?" spat Lafeu/Marik. "It is too late to correct what you have done. Away with you. I have other business to attend to."

"Please, listen to me!"

"Augh, you beg a single penny more. Come. You shall speak."

"My name, good lord, is Parolles."

"Hn. How does your drum?"

"Oh, my good lord, you were the first to find me!"

"Did I? I was the first to lose you, too."

"It lies in you, my lord, to bring me in some grace, for you did bring me out," pleaded Parolles/Duke. "Please forgive me."

"Out upon you, knave! Do you put upon me at once both the authority of God and the Devil? One brings you in grace and the other brings you out," began Lafeu/Marik, the trumpets sounding soon after. "The King is coming. Although you are to blame, I graciously forgive you."

"Thank you," cried Parolles/Duke.

They exited the stage.

* * *

**End Scene**


	24. Act V, Scene III

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Shakespeare

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

_**All's Well That Ends Well**_

_Act V, Scene III – Rousillon – The Count's Palace_

Trumpets sounded as the King/Yami, the Countess/Yugi, Lafeu/Marik, the two French Lords, and attendants entered the stage.

"We have lost a jewel, the dear Helena. Our high regard was made much poorer by it. But your son, Bertram, who is as mad in foolishness, lacked the sense to know Helena's opinion home," said the King/Yami.

"Please, dear King, forgive Bertram. See his disobedient actions as the rash ignorance of youth," begged the Countess/Yugi.

"I have forgiven him already. I only wish that Bertram had not been so foolish about recognizing what a treasure he had in his wife. Hm. Bring him in."

"As you wish, my liege," replied a gentleman. He left in order to bring in Bertram/Seto.

The King/Yami turned to Lafeu/Marik and asked, "You want Bertram to wed your daughter? Have you spoken to him about this?"

"Ah, all that Bertram is has been mentioned to your highness," answered Lafeu/Marik.

"Then we have a match. I'll have letters sent to me that set Bertram high in fame."

At that moment, Bertram/Seto entered.

"He looks well on it," commented Lafeu/Marik.

"I have forgiven you, Bertram," said the King/Yami.

"Thank you, my lord," replied Bertram/Seto.

"And I do not want to speak about the past matter since Helena is dead. But I do have some pleasing news. I have found you a second wife; Lafeu's daughter, if you will."

"As you wish," Bertram/Seto accepted obediently.

"Good, good. You should send Lafeu's daughter some token of your affection," instructed the King/Yami.

Bertram/Seto presented the ring he recently acquired during his _tryst_ with the supposed Diana/Ryou, who had actually been Helena/Joey.

"That ring looks like the one worn by Helena," remarked Lafeu/Marik.

"It is not hers," deadpanned Bertram/Seto.

The King/Yami grabbed the ring and started examining it. "I recognize this ring! I gave this to Helena and instructed her that if she ever needed my help, she should send this ring to me."

"It did not come from Helena," repeated Bertram/Seto, fearful of telling the King/Yami where it truly came from.

"My son, on my life, I have seen her wear it!" exclaimed the Countess/Yugi.

"I am sure I saw her wear it as well," added Lafeu/Marik.

"It is not hers!" yelled Bertram/Seto. "She never saw this ring!"

"I suspect, Bertram, that you hated your young wife so much, that you had something to do with her untimely death," stated the King/Yami.

"She never saw it!"

"I do not believe you. Guards! Arrest this man!" ordered the King/Yami. The guards seized Bertram/Seto and left the stage with him.

At this point, a gentleman entered and delivered a letter to the King. Opening the letter from Diana Capilet, he read, "'Bertram recently seduced me after convincing me that he would marry me after his wife's death. Now that he is a widower, he is bound by his oath to marry me. Bertram stole away from Florence without me, and I am compelled to find him since he took my virginity.'"

After listening to the letter, Lafeu/Marik declared, "I would rather _buy_ a son-in-law form a circus than let my daughter marry the likes of Bertram!"

"Bring Bertram in!" roared the King/Yami.

The guards brought Bertram/Seto back onto the stage.

"I wonder, sir, which wives are monsters to you," spat the King/Yami at Bertram/Seto. "You fly them as you swear them lordship, yet you desire to marry!" The Widow/Malik and Diana/Ryou suddenly entered the stage. "Now who the hell are these women?"

"I am Diana. Bertram seduced me and broke his word on his promise to marry me."

"I am her mother," began the Widow/Malik. "I want justice done on behalf of my daughter."

"Get him over here!" ordered the King/Yami furiously. "Do you know these women?" he demanded of Bertram/Seto, emphasizing each word.

"I don't know them."

"What?" exclaimed Diana/Ryou.

"I don't know them," repeated Bertram/Seto.

"If you shall marry, you give away this hand, and that is mine. You give away heaven's vows, and those are mine. You give away myself, which is known mine; for I by vow am so embodied as yours. You must marry me," said Diana/Ryou.

"Your reputation comes too short for my daughter. You are no husband for her," stated Lafeu/Marik.

"My lord, this is a fond and desperate creature," Bertram/Seto said, indicating Diana/Ryou, "whom sometime I have laughed with. Let your highness lay a more noble thought upon my honor than for you to think that I would sink it here."

"Bertram, for my thoughts, you have them ill until your deeds gain them. You need to prove your honor," replied the King/Yami.

"Good, my lord. Ask him upon his oath if he took my virginity," said Diana/Ryou.

"What do you say?" inquired the King/Yami.

"She is insolent, my lord, and is nothing more than a common whore to the camp," Bertram/Seto answered.

"If I were a common whore, you would have bought me at a common price and would never have given me your family ring!" declared Diana/Ryou, displaying the ring for all to see.

"The ring is proof!" exclaimed the Countess/Yugi in shock.

"Hn. I thought you said that you saw someone here in court who could witness it," said the King/Yami.

"I did, my lord, but I am loath to produce so bad an instrument. His name is Parolles," replied Diana/Ryou.

"I saw the man today," said Lafeu/Marik.

"Find him and bring him here," ordered the King/Yami. An attendant left to fetch him.

"What do you want with him?" inquired Bertram/Seto.

"Diana has that ring of yours," answered the King/Yami.

"As she subdued me, she got the ring."

"Since you lack virtue," began Diana/Ryou, "I will lose a husband. Send for your ring and I will return it home and then you shall give me mine again."

"I do not have your ring!"

"What ring was yours?" asked the King/Yami.

"The one upon your finger," replied Diana/Ryou.

"You know this ring? This ring was Bertram's as of late."

"And this is what I gave him when we were abed."

"Your story then goes false. You threw it to him out of a window."

"I have spoken the truth!"

Parolles/Duke then entered the stage.

"My lord, I do confess. This ring was hers," said Bertram/Seto.

The King/Yami groaned. "Is this the man you speak of?"

"Yes, my lord," answered Diana/Ryou.

"Tell me truthfully what you know about Bertram and Diana," demanded the King/Yami of Parolles/Duke.

"Bertram is an honorable gentleman."

"Did he love this woman?"

"He did love her, but how?"

"How?" echoed the King/Yami.

"He loved her as a gentleman loves a woman."

"And how is that?"

"He loved her and loved her not," said Parolles/Duke.

"Idiot!" screamed the King/Yami. "What an ambiguous companion is this?"

"I am but a poor man and at your majesty's command."

"He's a good drum, my lord, but a naughty orator," said Lafeu/Marik.

"Did you know he promised me marriage?" asked Diana/Ryou.

"I know more than I'll speak," answered Parolles/Duke.

"But will you speak what you know?" inquired the King/Yami.

"No."

"Urgh! You say this ring is yours?" the King/Yami asked Diana/Ryou once more.

"Yes, my lord."

"Where did you buy it? Who gave it to you?"

"I did not buy it and it was not given to me."

The King/Yami narrowed his eyes. "Who lent it to you?"

"It was not lent to me either."

"Where did you find it then?"

"I did not find it."

"If it were yours by none of these ways, then how could you give it to him?"

"I never gave it to him," said Diana/Ryou seriously.

"This woman is an easy glove, my lord. She goes off and on at pleasure," commented Lafeu/Marik.

"This ring was mine. I gave it to his first wife," said the King/Yami.

"It might be yours or hers," replied Diana/Ryou.

"Taker her away. I do not like her now. To prison with her and away with him. Unless you tell me where you had this ring, you will die within the hour."

"I'll never tell you," Diana/Ryou responded.

"Take her away."

"I'll put in bail, my liege."

"I think you now some common customer."

"If ever I knew a man, it was you."

"Why have you accused him all this while?"

"Because he is guilty…and not guilty. He knows I am no maid and he will swear to it. I'll swear I am a maid and he knows not. My lord, I am no strumpet by my life. I am either maid or else this man's wife."

"She does abuse our ears. She'd be a perfect match for Lavache," muttered the King/Yami. "To prison with her."

"Good mother, fetch my bail. Stay, royal sir," exclaimed Diana/Ryou as the Widow/Malik exited the stage. "The jeweler that owes the ring is sent for, and he shall guarantee me. But for Bertram, who has abused me, as he knows himself, though yet he never harmed me, here…I quit him. He knows himself, my bed he has defiled. At that time, he got his wife with child. Dead though she is, Helena feels her young one kick. So there's my riddle: one that's dead is quick. And now behold the meaning."

The Widow/Malik re-entered the stage with Helena/Joey. The court received the appearance of the "dead woman" in astonishment.

"Is there no exorcist that beguiles the truer office of my eyes? Is it real that I see?" proclaimed the King/Yami.

"No, my good lord. It is but the shadow of a wife you see. The name and not the thing," said Helena/Joey.

"Both, both. Oh, pardon!" cried Bertram/Seto.

"Bertram, you have fulfilled both obligations you set out for me. I possess your ring and I am pregnant with your child. Dear Bertram, will you be mine now that you have been doubly won?" responded Helena/Joey.

"I am prepared to love you dearly, ever, ever dearly," replied Bertram/Seto.

Everybody appeared touched by their reunion.

Lafeu sniffed loudly as he sobbed. "My eyes smell onions!" he remarked. "Parolles, lend me a handkerchief and wait for me at home."

"Let us," started the King/Yami, "from point to point know this story, to make the even truth in pleasure flow. Diana, if you are a fresh flower, choose for yourself a husband and I'll pay your dowry."

Everyone on stage turned and faced the audience, exclaiming, "All is truly well if it ends well!"

The curtains closed and applause rang throughout the theatre. The play was finished.

* * *

**End**


End file.
